People to whom I must send compassion and love
1. Lady picking up giant SUV from double-parking valet in front of Holt-Renfrew
2. Facebook friends who use the medium to sell their wares/services
Friday, April 27, 2012
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Gratitude list for Saturday, November 25
Gratitude list for today
-Pancakes with maple syrup
-The peaceful feeling from doing my 5th step with my sponsor this week. I feel so at home in my skin. Not perfect, not finished, just at home.
-Beautiful homespun yarn that my friend Tamara brought for me. The woman who made it is going to teach me how to spin when I visit Tamara in January.
-Yoga DVDs
-My sweet furry husband
-Pancakes with maple syrup
-The peaceful feeling from doing my 5th step with my sponsor this week. I feel so at home in my skin. Not perfect, not finished, just at home.
-Beautiful homespun yarn that my friend Tamara brought for me. The woman who made it is going to teach me how to spin when I visit Tamara in January.
-Yoga DVDs
-My sweet furry husband
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Well, it's looking like I'm going to get turned down for a job I interviewed for last week. I'm interviewing terribly. I literally told the woman that I just wanted to work, when she asked "why do you want to be a project manager here at whoreco?"
Time for some gratitude:
-a great sponsor who really gets me
-yoga class
-I'm knitting dishcloths like a maniac, and yes, it's major avoidance behavior, but I almost have small Xmas gifts for distant relatives NAILED
-diet coke
Time for some gratitude:
-a great sponsor who really gets me
-yoga class
-I'm knitting dishcloths like a maniac, and yes, it's major avoidance behavior, but I almost have small Xmas gifts for distant relatives NAILED
-diet coke
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Gratitude list for Tuesday, September 6
1. That I did laundry and dishes today--it feels good to clean up.
2. Beautiful weather.
3. Good meeting tonight - lots of people with just a few months sobriety like me.
4. Sweet husband, who finished cooking dinner tonight--he's usually the cook, and I couldn't figure out how I wanted to do the stir fry once I had all the ingredients prepped.
2. Beautiful weather.
3. Good meeting tonight - lots of people with just a few months sobriety like me.
4. Sweet husband, who finished cooking dinner tonight--he's usually the cook, and I couldn't figure out how I wanted to do the stir fry once I had all the ingredients prepped.
Bad feelings
I had a bad experience and a meeting last week and I can't seem to shake it.
The meeting leader gave the topic as what to do when you can't sleep. She'd gotten a drug for insomnia from her psychiatrist. Her sponsor then informed her the drug was addictive. She wanted to know what others would do in that situation. As everyone shared, several people mentioned different prescription drugs and their experience with them. I shared that I had an Ambien prescription, and that I used the drug when I fly long distances. I advised that I had a long history of depression, and that over time I had learned that my pharmacist and usenet news groups had been my best supplemental sources (meaning in addition to the Dr. and drug manufacturer's published info) of information on drugs I had been prescribed. Just my experience.
The meeting felt weird and off-kilter. One woman, who I'll call Dykemom, shared that she was uncomfortable with everyone mentioning the names of drugs they had experience with. I totally respected what she said, because she was saying what she felt, and speaking from the heart. Then, when everyone was done sharing, one woman (I'll call her matriarch) spoke up. She was the sponsor who advised the meeting leader against taking the unmentioned drug. Matriarch said that she had more sobriety than anyone in the room and that she would never take a drug that was addictive and still call herself sober.
The meeting ended with several attendees feeling chastised, including me. Dykemom approached me after the meeting and said that she was really concerned for me and my safety given what I had shared, and I told her that I would discuss it all with my sponsor. I genuinely respected her concern, and I felt like I shouldn't have shared what I did.
I talked to my sponsor, who was in attendance at the meeting, about it afterwards. We agreed that the meeting started out off topic and never got around to an appropriate AA topic. We agreed that the Matriarch was out of line in her addenda after everyone shared. (Note: the way meetings work here is that everyone has a chance to share. You can "just listen" if you don't want to share. But it is considered "cross talk" and inappropriate to share a second time in retort to what others have shared.)
Anyway, my sponsor and I talked about my own prescription drug use, and we're both Ok with it for now. We agreed that I would log what I take and review it with her and my psych periodically.
Now yesterday I was back at that meeting, and Matriarch made some snarky comment about prescription drugs in her share--that when she first started coming to AA she said she was sober even though she was taking Ativan or something. Whatever.
I've only been sober for 3 months, and this woman has 25 years. There are lots of other people with tons of sobriety at this meeting, and people are genuinely supportive and welcoming and kind. I know that her behavoir bothers other people. Yet I know that no one is going to "stand up" to her. Why does this bother me so much?
This lady does not want what I have and I really don't even like her. Why do I care what she thinks of me? Why do I want to run away from that meeting? There are tons of great people in that meeting.
The meeting leader gave the topic as what to do when you can't sleep. She'd gotten a drug for insomnia from her psychiatrist. Her sponsor then informed her the drug was addictive. She wanted to know what others would do in that situation. As everyone shared, several people mentioned different prescription drugs and their experience with them. I shared that I had an Ambien prescription, and that I used the drug when I fly long distances. I advised that I had a long history of depression, and that over time I had learned that my pharmacist and usenet news groups had been my best supplemental sources (meaning in addition to the Dr. and drug manufacturer's published info) of information on drugs I had been prescribed. Just my experience.
The meeting felt weird and off-kilter. One woman, who I'll call Dykemom, shared that she was uncomfortable with everyone mentioning the names of drugs they had experience with. I totally respected what she said, because she was saying what she felt, and speaking from the heart. Then, when everyone was done sharing, one woman (I'll call her matriarch) spoke up. She was the sponsor who advised the meeting leader against taking the unmentioned drug. Matriarch said that she had more sobriety than anyone in the room and that she would never take a drug that was addictive and still call herself sober.
The meeting ended with several attendees feeling chastised, including me. Dykemom approached me after the meeting and said that she was really concerned for me and my safety given what I had shared, and I told her that I would discuss it all with my sponsor. I genuinely respected her concern, and I felt like I shouldn't have shared what I did.
I talked to my sponsor, who was in attendance at the meeting, about it afterwards. We agreed that the meeting started out off topic and never got around to an appropriate AA topic. We agreed that the Matriarch was out of line in her addenda after everyone shared. (Note: the way meetings work here is that everyone has a chance to share. You can "just listen" if you don't want to share. But it is considered "cross talk" and inappropriate to share a second time in retort to what others have shared.)
Anyway, my sponsor and I talked about my own prescription drug use, and we're both Ok with it for now. We agreed that I would log what I take and review it with her and my psych periodically.
Now yesterday I was back at that meeting, and Matriarch made some snarky comment about prescription drugs in her share--that when she first started coming to AA she said she was sober even though she was taking Ativan or something. Whatever.
I've only been sober for 3 months, and this woman has 25 years. There are lots of other people with tons of sobriety at this meeting, and people are genuinely supportive and welcoming and kind. I know that her behavoir bothers other people. Yet I know that no one is going to "stand up" to her. Why does this bother me so much?
This lady does not want what I have and I really don't even like her. Why do I care what she thinks of me? Why do I want to run away from that meeting? There are tons of great people in that meeting.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Patience
I got a new laptop last Thursday, and a good chunk of the past few days have been just like being a self-absorbed, isolating drunk all over again, except with a computer. Had to transfer my files, install programs, get everything set up the way I like it, and then spend hours seeing how Sims 2 and Civ 4 are so much FASTER on the new machine. With a crook in my neck and numbness in my fingers, I humbly and intentionally return to a more balanced life. :-)
I did have a nice dinner with my sponsor on Saturday and went to yoga class and did a 5 mile walk with the husband on Sunday. I missed the Sunday meeting that I usually attend, though.
Gratitude list for today:
1. My sobriety
2. Doing laundry and mopping the kitchen floor
3. My sponsor and my sponsor's sponsor, both of whom I love and who love me very much.
4. Getting my 3 month chip this week
5. Last night, my sponsor told me that today she's going to start giving me directions on how to do step 4. I'm happy that she believes that I'm ready. Part of letting go for me has meant working on being more patient with others and myself. Not trying to be "advanced" (ha!) at everything, and make everything fit my own plan. The first few weeks, I wanted to get right to Step 4, because I wanted the short cut to feeling better.
I did have a nice dinner with my sponsor on Saturday and went to yoga class and did a 5 mile walk with the husband on Sunday. I missed the Sunday meeting that I usually attend, though.
Gratitude list for today:
1. My sobriety
2. Doing laundry and mopping the kitchen floor
3. My sponsor and my sponsor's sponsor, both of whom I love and who love me very much.
4. Getting my 3 month chip this week
5. Last night, my sponsor told me that today she's going to start giving me directions on how to do step 4. I'm happy that she believes that I'm ready. Part of letting go for me has meant working on being more patient with others and myself. Not trying to be "advanced" (ha!) at everything, and make everything fit my own plan. The first few weeks, I wanted to get right to Step 4, because I wanted the short cut to feeling better.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
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